When my inner connectedness calls for a change, I ask myself, "What is my passion?" I will try to express myself and put into words what is behind the shift going on inside that must elicit a change.
'This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!
~ Polonius to his son, Laertes in Shakespeare’s Hamlet
For many years now, perhaps all my life, I re-visit the question of what is my passion. As all of us can attest, to find your passion is perhaps the single most illusive endeavor of life! I am no exception. However, the sweet voice of my heart is getting louder in my ears.
Learning to listen to my inner voice is a constant in my life as I yield to the unfolding of my true purpose.
My first, real inner connectedness occurred in 2008 when I experienced a true knowing that my life was about to change. From this stirring came my website. Because of a hosting system for dummies, called SBI, and the gentle confirmations from my sister, I found the courage to find my voice and speak what was truly in my heart.
The voice was timid at first. Gradually, as life presented additional confirmations from others through my website, the voice expanded to friends and family. This was a big step for me, who traveled in a world of assertive people and traditional medical specialists. But to find what is my passion, I had to go there, I had to be true to myself.
And so I wrote and wrote. All that was in my heart. It has been cathartic. It has been rewarding. It has been kenosis (See my article on myofascial release to understand the concept of kenosis). And it has always involved my deep connection, a deep inner connectedness with my body, that place where I find God alive within me.
Mount Evans, Colorado, from the "Oh My God" Road, near Idaho Springs
Yet I still have chosen to work in a traditional nursing setting, treating only the physical body. Nothing, per se, is wrong with that. We need traditional nurses and experts (preferably more enlightened physical practitioners). But my heart now wants to practice in a non-traditional setting. A setting that will include healing bodywork, healing yoga, or healing Body Window methods as I have created and would continue to create.
If I am to find what is my passion, I must listen to this slowly building need to follow my inner guidance or my inner connectedness. It will be more than just speaking to the "head" or treating the physical body. It will have to be hands-on. It must involve being present myself in body, mind and soul; and this presence I would bring to others.
As a result of searching for what is my passion, I am heading off to Costa Rica for an intensive yoga training. I chose yoga because it is nearest and dearest to my heart. Those who know me the best know that despite my great love of physical activities of all kinds, it is yoga and intuitive movement that I connect with the most. Without the power of healing yoga, my life would just not be the same.
Creating a bricks and mortar healing practice is going to jostle me to the core. My head says, "stay with traditional nursing, you know it and it isn’t all that bad. You just need to surrender your own will more." My heart says, "You just can’t take any more of this sameness, this boredom. You can do more! You must do more!" This battle has been going on inside me for many years now. To find your passion, I think everyone goes through this.
So, I am committing to you, my readers, to step out of my comfort zone, my molds and go even farther. The part-time work as a traditional nurse must be replaced with my heart-felt desire for whole-person healing, through modalities like healing yoga, or yoga therapy. This is the real answer to the question, "What is my passion." This IS my passion.
In a few short weeks I travel to a tropical paradise to more intensely study yoga. It is a teacher-training course. Admitting to this sounds so trite. I hate to even write it down. I can hear the responses now – "What a granola, trendy, aimless, can’t-make-a-living-thing to do! Good grief, you are 53 years old!"
I don’t care. I am in the position where I am able to set aside a life that I no longer know, to try a new path. If I don’t take it, I will never forgive myself. If you find your passion, this is the path that you must go.
I doubt that I will ever teach traditional yoga classes like in a studio. In most studios, they just "do yoga." I want to practice healing yoga.
While I will never be a maverick to the caliber of Steve Jobs, I will always step outside of boundaries that folks try to create for me. The credential of "Certified Yoga Teacher," however, seems necessary.
Most people view nurses as unenlightened. Yes, indeed, they are often as ill as their patients! So to add the credential will go far for some, for those who need credentials. Those who don’t need credentials understand that when you find "what is my passion" that you enthusiastically learn on your own. You eat up everything in sight that turns you on. You relish each and every moment that you can spare working on what you love. Adult, self-learners are a powerful force.
The rare orange Aspen leaves
I have resisted this yoga teacher training for many reasons:
Yet here I stand, in surrender, heading off to yoga teacher training. I am hoping that the sponge in me can absorb more knowledge to better understand myself. If I apply myself, it will happen. My pre-studies already are changing me. If I am to truly find what is my passion, I need to step inside this yoga world and understand it better. Yoga is definitely meeting a need in our modern world.
In preparation for my yoga study, I am reading all the traditional yoga texts. You would think that I would have already read them, but I have not. Since I have known what is my passion for awhile now, that of body-mind-soul healing, I have been reading many modern interpretations of the spiritual classics. I have been more interested in learning current cultural thinking in relation to spirituality.
It is surprising to me, that current thinking regarding spirituality really is the same knowledge as that of the ancients. I have even been practicing some of the limbs of yoga without even being aware of it. As it has been said: "There is no new knowledge, just your personal interpretation and application of what is in all of our souls." Yes, I found this to be true. Wisdom transcends space and time.
In finding what is my passion, what I will do in the future is not entirely clear. I will most likely call my bodywork Body Window therapy or something similar. My therapy will not be a religion. It will, however, be the same as many yogis and other body workers know: that the body is a pathway to the soul.
So, onwards I go to fulfill in me what is my passion. Let me know what you think. Cheer me on. Give me a high five. Tell me I’m crazy. Whatever you say, the maverick in me knows what is my passion. Now, go out and find YOUR passion.Endnote:
Since writing this article, I completed the yoga
teacher training. I was in for an unexpected emotional roller coaster!
You can read about my yoga immersion experience at My Yoga Teacher Training Experience.