Why You Choose Negativity over Positivity and How to Change It

Negativity is always a choice! I hope to show you how to deal with negativity in those around you and to create positivity in your life.

You will recognize the outer ‘enemy’ as but a reflection of what you have not, until now, been able or willing to recognize as coming from within. ~ Ralph Blum

Having a bad outlook is always a choice. Displaying strong emotions that hurt others is always a choice. Holding on to your hurts and not letting them go is always a choice. You have already learned about what can happen when you persist in holding on to negative thoughts and emotions. Your body-mind-soul always suffers with negativity and those around you also suffer.

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Choosing negativity over positivity is a choice, however one that is mostly done subconsciously. Your negative thoughts and strong emotions seem to tumble out of you automatically. You just can’t help it, right? Those of you who believe that you are unable to control your negative thoughts and behaviors are just not yet aware of the power you actually have! 

You choose to be negative, albeit subconsciously, but it is still a choice. Most often it is because you don’t realize that you are negative and because you haven’t been taught how to behave otherwise.

We all know that it is way easier to be negative than positive! Staying present to yourself and your outlook is the first step toward change. By staying present, you must first be aware that you even have a negativity bias.

It is important to be aware of your attitude, because negativity feeds on itself. When you have a bad attitude, it creates negative energy, and more negativity. All those around you also become negative, because we all choose not to break the chain! How sad. We’d rather feed into the drama that being negative creates. The collective bad energy builds and we think it gives us power. However, the only power it brings to you, as an individual, is to attract negative people and poor outcomes! Is that truly what you want in your life?

Instead, if we helped one another to be more present to our attitude it would help enormously to change our outlook. But first, we have to choose awareness, choose to be open and receptive to ourselves.

You as an individual have to choose to be open and be aware of your attitude.

If you choose negativity instead of positivity in your life, I usually find there is a reason why you cling to self-destructive thoughts, behaviors and illnesses. It takes more than just the desire for change. It may also take enormous courage to really make a difference in your journey forward. This is especially true if your behavior change would be a drastic turnabout, causing upheaval in your life or relationships. When people choose to re-invent themselves, it almost always comes with emotional trauma and pain.

Question Your Negativity

You would need to ask yourself these questions. Why do I need negativity in my life? Is the pain serving a purpose that I am not yet willing to give up? Does my pain or my anger give me power? Do I like yelling at others, who cower in response? Does anger or other strong emotion feel good, the only thing that makes me feel alive? Do I really want to make the change? Does my pain allow me to avoid things in life I would rather not face, or choose to ignore? Is it a safe haven that gives me a convenient excuse for not participating in something? Is my illness convenient when I choose? Am I fine when I want to do something I prefer to do?

Sometimes I think that people have bad attitudes just to create drama in their lives. They would rather entertain themselves, or perhaps they think they are entertaining others, with all their self-important and self-indulgent drama. Believe me, no one cares that much or wants to hear your soap opera. I have found that others are way more attracted to healthy, happy, and positive people.

Storm brewing over the San Juan Mountains, ColoradoStorms Brewing in the San Juan Mountains of Colorado

All Pain is Real

Psychosomatic illness is thought of as something that is ‘in your head,’ created from something that is unreal, or without an actual physical cause. But as I discussed in the Body Window, this would imply that the pain doesn’t really, truly exist. All pain and illness regardless of the origin should always be considered ‘real.’ All pain is always a body-mind-soul issue.

I have a friend who says that his wife’s illnesses are ‘undiagnosable and untreatable’ to use his words. She gets many illnesses that I personally have never been able to make sense of, and she always grossly exaggerates the symptoms.

What my friend is actually saying euphemistically is that his wife’s illnesses are not ‘real.’ His wife is a medical enigma, one that makes healthcare providers cringe when she walks through the door. Her specialists tell her she just has to work through her issue(s), when the tests and scans invariably turn up nothing. Her Body Window is speaking to her that she has an issue that she cannot face, and her illness creates a convenient way out. So she holds on to the negative energy that creates the illness.

Illness as a Way Out

But the point that needs to be emphasized is that in the above illustration, her pain and her symptoms are very, very real. She has yet to address the underlying need for her illness(es) and what it provides for her.

I know the answer, but I cannot tell her. It would bring to her attention the years and years of denying her emotions on the issue of self-sacrifice and only pleasing others. It is the typical, older generation female pattern of always caring for others and never allowing for self-care. This is the older woman’s ‘job.’ Her job is pleasing her husband, providing three meals, scrubbing the house until her fingers are raw and still being the ‘sex kitten.’ This is how she obtains love. Her illness is her only way out. It serves a deep need. Bringing the issue to her attention would do no good until she is ready herself to become more aware.

She actually knows in her head that she has no time for herself. She has actually said to me, “My husband is on a vacation (retired). When do I get to go on vacation? I don’t want to clean and cook anymore.” Because of her own and her husband’s expectations, she needs the illness. Maybe through her illness she will finally get at least the housekeeper that she would like! But most likely, because she is unable to express her true feelings, and actually do something to change the situation, her dis-eases will continue to dominate her life.

I see the self-sacrificing female pattern repeatedly in the homes of the elderly clients I take care of. The woman is always expected to be there for the sick spouse. She is not allowed to have her own life. In fact one of my patients' deep fear was that when her husband died, he would take her with him! He could control her, even in death!

The questions my friend’s wife would have to ask herself, if she ever reached the point of recognizing the need for change are: What created this pattern in me? Can I change it? Do I deserve Love outside of my deeds? How do I make my needs known in a loving, non-challenging manner? How can I release my negativity with this situation and begin saying affirmations for health?

Where is the Love?

Hypochondriacs are similar but less subtle. I knew a medical student many years ago who was the epitome of hypochondriasis. I lived in a high-rise apartment building and she lived across the hall. One day I heard screaming and crying outside my door and a loud knock. I opened the door to find her holding her foot and crying hysterically over a splinter I could see jutting out of her foot. She knew I was a nurse, and came to me for help. I calmly pulled out the splinter, cleaned her foot and told her she would be fine. She thanked me profusely and went home. I just couldn’t believe that a medical student was hysterical over a splinter! She was in great need that day for the smallest level of attention.

Why do I Attract Negative Outcomes?

You would also need to ask yourself what is in yourself that attracts accidents and negative outcomes. Is it your negativity bias? If you attract potential partners or friends who have traits that you dislike, ask yourself, “What is it about me that attracts the people with this type of trait?”

Seriously soul search through Intuitive Movement and Meditation or Centered Prayer and ask yourself this question as you go deep inside yourself and your body. Would positivity in my life change what I attract? There are those who believe there are no accidents, just negative thoughts that attract accidents to us. After dealing with the Worker’s Compensation system for many years, it is hard not to believe in this. Injured workers, who desire to get better, get better. Workers who have a need to escape their work situation do not. (The exception might be the catastrophic accident or death as a result of unsafe work situations.)

Pink Hydrangea in bloom.Pink Hydrangeas

The saying “Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it!” is an indication that where our body, mind and soul goes, there goes the energy to make that wish come true! So if your thoughts and your beliefs about yourself are negative, that is what will be manifested in your life.

Those who worry about everything, the chronic worriers, are a case in point. Because they focus on what can go wrong, it manifests itself and actually goes wrong.

What is my belief system that says that I am unworthy of health, love or happiness? Do I fear the changes? Do I fear happiness? Do I fear love? Re-read the Body Window section on the concept of Love and the article on Self-Love. Honestly take a look at yourself and ask yourself if you really believe that you can have Love or are you addicted to negativity and the downward cycle that it creates? Are you addicted to the 'poor me' syndrome? Do you believe that your negative attitude demands attention from others? Do you believe that you deserve this attention?

If you believe that you 'deserve' something from others, anything actually, trust me it will never happen. Carrying the chip on your shoulder will only attract bad things in your life!

What is it about you that attracts negative outcomes? Does your belief system need adjusting? Do you attract bad outcomes because of your own bad attitude? Do you need to create more positive affirmations for health, more positive life affirmations, more positivity in your life?

Even if you say your affirmations, before you believe them, the positive thought will create change. Thought creates matter. Positivity can be learned and can become your new way of life.

No one wants to die knowing that his or her life was miserable. No one wants to be around 'deserving' people who are constantly full of spite and anger because of what they should be entitled to!

If you reverse your thinking and become positive through positive affirmations, you can create change. Positivity is attainable if you have the desire to change. But first you must be present to your attitude by becoming more aware!

How to Create Positivity in Your Life:

  • Start every day with meditation and prayer: Give thanks for all that you have and all that you are.
  • Create positive affirmations and say them immediately after giving thanks. (Click on link to see how)
  • Say your affirmations every time you feel that life is overwhelming you, and you feel the negativity coming in.
  • Learn how to manage your strong emotions to just "feel it and heal it" by using the 90 second rule. (Click on link to learn about this rule)
  • Give thanks for all that you have and all that you are again, before falling asleep.

How to Deal with Negativity in Those around You:

  • Consider changing your friends who are full of negativity to those full of positivity! Those friends who display nothing but strong and unpleasant emotions and behaviors are dragging you down!
  • Unfortunately, we often cannot avoid our family, as easily as we can avoid others. If your family has a negativity bias, learn the art of smiling when they try to draw you into their bad energy. Do not respond nor feed into their negativity. Keep smiling like a Cheshire cat even if you feel your own strong emotions welling up inside you. See what happens when you refuse to carry their pain! Or try saying something positive in response!
  • Change the subject. Talk about something neutral when someone tries to release his or her bad outlook onto you. Go to the weather or the football game.
  • Excuse yourself politely if you find you cannot control your own bad feelings or you cannot control the atmosphere. Some people simply cannot have a conversation unless it is to complain about something. Simply state “I need to go to the bathroom.” If you are at work say, “I am sorry, I need to get to an appointment in 5 minutes.” Create something to excuse yourself politely before you say something or do something you will regret later.
  • The best response, if you have the courage and if you can do nothing else, you might try saying the following: “I am sure you don’t mean it, but when you are negative it makes me feel unhappy and I really don’t want to ruin my day!” Then be totally silent and make them speak next. If they don’t apologize or move onto another subject, they are inhuman!
  • You can also try saying, “Hey, I got this great new joke and I was wondering if you heard it?” Then tell a joke. Just make sure you have one! Or ask the person if they have any new jokes?

A Personal Positivity Story

I once had a co-worker who was very opinionated – about everything, of course, and was always very eager to share her strong opinions. In the course of our conversation one day, I sensed the mood shifting to one of negativity. I had made a statement regarding my beliefs, and there was an instant flash of anger and a strong retort. The retort turned into a mini-tirade and before I knew it she was running off because she had to go somewhere.

I had to interact with this person on a regular, professional basis. I was bound and determined to not allow her wrath towards me to grow and feed on itself. This is how most relationships deteriorate. I was not going to feed into it.

The next day, when I needed to interact with her, I greeted her warmly and with a smile (saying a few Namaste’s under my breath – ‘the spirit in me honors the spirit in you.’). Then I quickly interjected that I always enjoy a lively and passionate discussion on the subject of life. I told her I was interested in having more of them!

She gave me a very odd look. For one of the few times I’ve interacted with her, she was without words! I had clearly taken her by surprise with my response! She was only accustomed to dealing with anger with anger. I had removed her power, merely by choosing to be positive!

Sunrise over Wilson Peak Massive as seen from Dallas Peak, San Juan Mountains, ColoradoSunrise over Wilson Peak Massive as seen from Dallas Peak, San Juan Mountains, Colorado

When she did speak she was very nice and basically stated that my beliefs were just not quite as evolved as hers! I smiled and did not continue the conversation but switched the subject. She was willing to give the confrontation one more go! I believe it was her way of trying to keep her power, by having the last word, or God forbid, to re-initiate the confrontation!

This is how negativity feeds more negativity and only you can break the chain!

From that day on, we had a nice, cordial and even jovial professional relationship. I never spoke of my beliefs again, and she, of course, still spoke of hers. I learned very quickly with her that I needed to just listen politely to all that she always had to say.

To have her as a personal friend would take way more emotional energy than I would be willing to commit. But I had at least kept a working, professional relationship with her that I valued.

There will always be war and strife in the world, if we hold the dogma that our beliefs are the only beliefs that are true, good or right. Strive to be present towards others, regardless of their beliefs and differences. Create positivity and create peace!

Take every opportunity to create positivity in your life and in your interactions. Your glass is half full. Say it as an affirmation and with conviction! My glass is half-full! The healing in your own body-mind-soul will attract positivity to you. You are what you believe and you attract that which you believe! Create positivity, always!

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